Happy Thanksgiving!!

Today is the day where we talk about what we are thankful for:

  • I’m still here almost a year from dx.
  • Xalkori seems to still be working almost 9 months later.
  • I suppose I’m happy I haven’t had a period since January (yes, I’m happy about that).
  • For my family that take care of me.
  • For my pupster.
  • For those that are praying for me.

So, Happy Thanksgiving to you all (even if you’re out of the US).

Thinking of you♥️

Marriage & Honeymoon Pics

You may have to click on the pic above.

This is my husband, caregiver, best friend. We got married on November 23, 2010. I don’t want to leave him…he’s the best thing that ever happened to me. Please give me at least another 20 years with him.

Sorry for all of the down posts…I’m not okay, but going to get it fixed.

Thinking of you all♥️

“Trigger Warning”…

I want to kill myself (I won’t, but my brain wants to). I feel like every day is just another day closer to my death (yes, even if I didn’t have cancer, I’d be closer to dying)…but I wish I didn’t know. I somewhat wish that I got to the doctor too late and I could be gone quickly. I realize I’m lucky that I’m alive almost a year after dx, but it has sucked. I’m just living, not enjoying that living.

I am already on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety, but the anti-depressants are not doing their job. My plan is to call my PCP and ask them to give me stronger or add a drug. I’m going to ask for a therapist with a background in dealing with cancer patients. I need something. As I said, do not worry, I will not kill myself.

Thinking of all of you and sorry for the downer feeling of this post. I just needed to get it out.♥️

Monday…

After a wonderful weekend with my husband in Boston, I came directly home for my 2nd SBRT….GOD, I hope it’s working.

Each time I’m on that table, I cry. Everytime my husband says something sweet, I cry. I cried in Boston because it’s been almost exactly a year since the c-devil reared its ugly head. Back when life was normal…back when I could make plans…back when I had dreams. I’d like them to come back, but can’t do that until NED or remission or even shrinkage. Need some good news.

Well, we will see…trying to keep the hope. Keeping you all in my thoughts♥️