It’s Friday and I’m feeling great. I may have gotten my drug mix picked and timed right. When you have 4-5 drugs you can choose for nausea/diarrhea, it’s hard to figure out which one actually works for you. I had no real digestive issues all through the night, but still had a hard time sleeping. My anxiety has been through the roof…worried about so much. I’m on Ativan, but not 100% I’m taking enough of it.
Goals for weekend: I’m going to bring my bike trainer from downstairs to upstairs so that I can start getting some muscle back (I’m so weak).
I’m going to make the master bed and sleep in it with my husband and dog. I’ve been couchbound for almost 6 months due to femur break/etc and couldn’t get up or down the stairs. I’m excited about being able stretch out some.
So, odd thing I recently noticed: since diagnosis, I have NOT looked at my face in the mirror. I don’t know if it’s intentional, but how odd. I forced myself to look and I felt like I couldn’t SEE myself. I’m wondering if that means my cancer is defining me? Any way, I’m going to acknowledge myself in the mirror every day…. I haven’t changed (ok, so I’ve lost 30#), but I still have the same personality and I am still who I am.
This terrified me…
On a positive, I took my 3rd shower upstairs this week (after 5 months of no shower, this was an abfab goal of mine) and I did it by myself. Then, in what’s been 3 months, I went to the grocery store with my husband. Husband and brother have been shopping, and it’s appreciated,but I need food💕, especially since my taste buds are not working right. The only thing that brought me down was seeing woman my age in fitness outfits and smiling away, while I ride around the store on a jazzy with a walker. My hip/femur is not up to par to walk a long distance yet. Husband keeps telling me I’ll get there.
Started taking Xalkori (oral chemo pill) again last Friday…only one time a day instead of two times a day…and she’s up to her little digestive games again. I shit myself this morning…no warning! So, after two weeks of near flawless normal plumbing, I may have to go back to the Depends. How frustrating…the only good side is, this drug may be working. Per my previous post, PET scan looked markedly improved. I will see my oncologist on Monday and get my XGEVA shot, so hopefully he keeps with the good news.
In the meantime, the tight balance of taking the right drug to stem the shit tide without backing me up. I haven’t gotten this part down. I am no longer on painkillers, so I shouldn’t be getting overly constipated. Man, bowels are a royal pain in the ass.
Monday I had a follow up PET Scan to see how the Xalkori is working. Apparently, it’s working. Oncologist called later Monday night and let me know of the good news. Here’s the thing: I’m still new in this battle and I hope the good news continues. I’m scared but trying to stay positive. Cancer blows ass!
We need more research, more scientists, more funding and quickly. Too many people suffering and dying at too young of age. It has to stop!
For some reason, weekends bring me down. It doesn’t help that all week, I’m basically on a weekend. Only thing during the weekdays, is I might have doctor’s appointments. Weekends are kind of boring.
I attempted and survived going to a small car show yesterday with my brother, but I came home and slept the entire night. Now, that’s the first time I’ve been out doing something other than a doctor’s appointment.
It was a nice day and I’m happy I did it. I probably should have walked more….got to get this leg in shape!I need to ride the bike this summer!