After a wonderful weekend with my husband in Boston, I came directly home for my 2nd SBRT….GOD, I hope it’s working.

Each time I’m on that table, I cry. Everytime my husband says something sweet, I cry. I cried in Boston because it’s been almost exactly a year since the c-devil reared its ugly head. Back when life was normal…back when I could make plans…back when I had dreams. I’d like them to come back, but can’t do that until NED or remission or even shrinkage. Need some good news.

Well, we will see…trying to keep the hope. Keeping you all in my thoughts♥️


Well, yesterday I had my first SBRT. Not bad, nothing hurts yet, but dammit, I couldn’t stop crying. I don’t want to do this, although I know I have to, because I don’t want to die yet. I want to sleep, but having problems with that….nerves. Also, it doesn’t help that I have the runs (yeah, I fart but shit instead). I’m taking Lomotil, but it doesn’t seem to be working.

Took Dad to the airport today…everyone cried. They live too far away.

Tomorrow, my husband and I are going to Boston, gift of husbands brother, to see the Bruins. We will be staying until Monday and the rush home to get my second SBRT. I don’t really want to go, but I have to.

Thinking of you all♥️


Over the last few weeks, I’ve been extremely emotional…mostly crying. Mostly at the same time every day (430-530pm). Onc says I need to talk to my PCP to get a different drug(s) for the depression. I don’t have a good reason for being upset. All I want to do is sleep…don’t really feel like eating. I don’t feel like talking to anyone. I’m a mess.

Thinking of you all and hoping for the best♥️


My Dad is coming up from Florida today. We are on our way to pick him up at the airport. He’s got a special diet due to kidney failure (can’t have a lot of protein)…don’t know what to expect, but not feeling like going grocery shopping tonight. I’m tired.

Pray that I make it through this week without having to break up arguments between him and my brother.