Breathe…

Laying here 1:50am, listening to my awesome husband and cuddly dog breathe and I’m slightly jealous. Don’t get me wrong – I’m happy that neither one have an illness, but I’m jealous that they can fall asleep so easily. I can’t… Some days it’s definitely anxiety and other days, I think I’m going to miss something.

Tonight is I’m feeling like I’m going to miss something. I do not know what that something is but I have a funny feeling in my stomach and it won’t let me sleep.

I have tried baths/showers, reading an actual book, meditating, counting sheep and (the only thing that works somewhat) AdvilPM. I’ve wanted to ask my doctor for sleeping pills, but I’m a tad worried about using them.

So, tell me…what do you use/do to fall asleep?

Hockey Playoffs…

I am a Boston Bruins fan. Love them!! I’m watching the playoffs and they finally won one in 2 overtime …after failing miserably during their round Robin’s.

They were supposed to play last night, but CBJ and TB went into 5 Overtime. Longest game I’ve ever watched. I had to take a nap.

My favorite player is Pastrnak. He’s pretty good, but bit the big one earlier in the game. He passed and it went to the Canes player, who proceeded to get a goal.

Well, this was a rambling post…lol!

If you’re into hockey, who do you want to win and which player is your favorite?

Hmmm…

So my comments are disappearing on others posts here. That’s upsetting. The ‘likes’are still there. I thought the one disappeared because they didn’t like the comment. However, I now see it’s all of them. What the hell is going on?

What are your 5?

What are your top 5 ‘want to do’ things? I’m not a giant fan of the word bucket list…it’s too overused.

My top 5 are:

1. Get my 2003 Ford Harley Davidson truck fixed. I can’t afford to do this, so it is steady rotting in my driveway.

2. Go to Florida and hang with my parents for at least 2 weeks. Due to Covid, I can’t do this at this time.

3. Go to another Peter Gabriel concert and meet him. I don’t know what I’d say to him, but I’d just like to shake his hand.

4. Go to a Boston Bruins game and meet the team. This would be more for my husband, but I love them too.

5. RV across the United States.

There are more, but those are my Top 5. Just had to get these written down somewhere.

Thanks for reading!! I’m thinking of you!♥️♥️

Need a dentist (amongst other things)

So, I need to go to the dentist. I broke a tooth (you can see it in the picture above). I do not like going to the dentist…it hurts. I have so much work that needs to be done and it’s expensive. I know, I’m going to have to bite the bullet. I’m not happy missing a tooth in the front. I smile too big to hide it.

My pup has a cough. Apparently, sometimes when they get older their cilia in their throat become non-working. It’s horrible and scares me. I’m not ready for him to go.

I’m going to the eye doctor tomorrow because I need new glasses. I’ve had these for about 3 years and I can barely see out of them.

As for my ‘diagnosis’, it is still there, but I’ve felt pretty incredible the last few weeks. My hip is still sore but Advil helps. I am grateful to my targeted therapy for not giving up on me yet!! Shout out to Xalkori😍Keep it up!

My husband still doesn’t have a job 😞 It’s stressing me out. Im worried we are going to run out of money. Yes, I was approved for SSI, but that would only cover the mortgage. I try to remain positive, but Covid isn’t helping things either.

That’s all I have for today. Thank you for reading and I’m thinking of you ♥️♥️♥️

Long time, no see…

I haven’t been here in a while, so I decided to do a post today.

I’m attempting to enjoy my life, but it’s so hard. Between my anxiety (over this cancer), Covid-19, my husband not having a job, my brother living in my house, and just the state of my house, it isn’t easy. I am basically worried about everything. I’ve always been this way and I have no idea how to stop it.

Physically, I am doing well. I’m getting around pretty well after my hip replacement in May. My PET scan didn’t show much lighting up. I’m not having any side effects from my medicine. My tageted therapy is still working 15 months in. Yeahhhh!

But I’m tired, tired of the worry. I hate how cancer doesn’t let you go back to your somewhat normal, bubbly self. I hate that cancer caused my femur to break, leading to a hip replacement that still causes me pain. I hate how cancer caused my to be isolated and unmotivated. I suppose some of this is me and can be corrected, I just have to want it. I have to change my mindset.

Thank you all for reading and know that I’m hoping you’re doing well.

Woodloch Resort Part Deux….

Tonight was filet mignon…basically you drink and you eat here (if you don’t have kids). We swam and used the hot tub.

It’s Yo-Yo man tonight. Hope it’s good. Ok, back from watching Yo-Yo man….that was an experience.

Tomorrow, there’s going to be a For Pete’s Sake team pool/lake games. I unfortunately will not be able to participate as I’m in a wheelchair. I can swim, but it involves running and jumping. So, I will yell my group on.

I hope I can get everyone’s email/phone numbers before we leave. I still don’t want to go home.

Thanks again for reading…there may be more. Thinking of you all♥️♥️♥️

Woodloch Resort…

This place is lovely. It is geared more towards families with children, but that’s okay. Reminds me to act young again.

I’ve had a few crying moments, but more happy moments. Honestly, I don’t want to go home.

Friend with Swedish Fish. I may or may not given it to him.

Chipmunks abound here and they are the sweetest things.

I’ve had a few adult drinks. 🙂

Me & the hubs (ignore my bangs, they are growing back, not much I can do)

I do wish I could walk more, instead the place is so big, I have to use the wheelchair and they aren’t too wheelchair friendly here. We were coming back from a show and it was pretty dark. Well, there was a open area in the asphalt that my wheelchair got stuck in and dumped me over. It hurt…not just my hip but my pride. I cried because I couldn’t get up without 2 people’s help. Hope this hip gets better.

I had a weird thing happen last night…my middle and ring fingers cramped up and hurt like hell. Not sure what that was about.

We are going to the hot tub as that helps my hip feel better.

Thank you for reading. I may have more later.

For Pete’s Sake…

We were originally supposed to go to Florida for our respite, courtesy of For Pete’s Sake; however, Covid-19 happened. We are now going to Woodloch Resort in the Poconos. It’s about a two hour drive from where we live.

I am a little upset because while we were in Florida, I was planning to see my parents. I haven’t seen them in about a year and I worry that my life is shortened and I won’t be able to have a good time with them.

Stupid Covid-19!!!! Why now? Couldn’t you have waited?

I’m going to try and smile while I’m at Woodloch. Hard to do when you have to wear a mask. Where did my positivity go?

Thinking of you all and hope you are doing well♥️♥️♥️♥️

Alone….

I feel so alone, even though I’m surrounded by my husband and brother and pup. None of these people understand the pain I’m going through. I’m about ready to tell the doctor to remove the leg altogether. It hurts…it takes an act of Congress to get pain killers.

I’ve been crying a lot. I don’t really know why. I can’t roll over yet, I can do a squat, I can’t ride my bike. I can’t think of anything I can do, except take a shower and walk a little bit.

I hate seeing everyone do all the work. I want to have a job. I want to live.